Due to the economics, moving back to the family home is often a necessity. There needs to be some discussion between parent and child, yes, they will always be your child. Having the conversation sooner than later will protect your parent child relationship. Keep the communication open and honest.

1. How long would this arrangement be in place?
2. What are the parents’ and (adult) child’s expectations for the “rules”?
3. Do you expect them to let you know when they will be coming home at night?
4. Do you want them to tell you where they are going and when they will be back?
5. Do you expect them to contribute to household duties, cooking, cleaning? (Certainly, you should not be expected to make their bed and clean up after them like when they were in elementary school.)
6. Should they contribute to the household expenses?

By burning the midnight oil, school health officials warn, grades suffer, as well as your students’ health.

A study in the January 2008 issue of Behavioral Sleep Medicine found 60 percent of 120 college students surveyed have pulled at least one all-nighter; those students had lower grade-point averages compared with classmates who never stayed up all night.

Parents need to be alert to emails that arrive in the wee morning hours… like 4am. This tells you, your student is falling in the trap of pulling all nighters.

This is a growing trend because there is so much to fill those waking hours besides study. Universities have acknowledged this problem and many are running campaigns to promote getting a good nights sleep.

Sleep deprivation is seen as a badge of courage in college but now we know better. To get more A’s, the student needs to get more Zzz’s.

This generation of young adults that have been parented by the best intentioned helicopter parent will bring an openness to advice and a willingness to accept the guidance of others.

So what does this mean for the young adult entering a competitive job market that puts the power back in the hands of the employer?

This type of parenting results in an independence in young people, not seen before.  It also means a work ethic that will drive success.

So my strong recommendation to parents, shift those hovering blades down a notch.  Back it off and watch your young adult fly.

Recently I was asked if there is any value to hand written thank you notes. This kind of courtesy seems to be falling to the wayside. Your college student will be interviewing for internships, part time jobs and other competitive opportunities. This is how I responded:
In my professional opinion as a psychologist, mentor and as a previous executive, hand written thank you notes should be routine after any interview. They show thoughtfulness and appreciation for the time it does take to interview job candidates.

I often tell my clients that each interview, whether you get the job or not, is a learning experience. The candidate learns life skills. As an interviewer I often discussed with the candidate other opportunities, I was aware of, if their skills did not match what I was looking for.

You never know, who knows who. It is a small world so each job application needs to be approached with that in mind. The applicant should be open to feedback and use the experience to gather information. Body language, eye contact and communication skills will get better with experience. There will always be periods through out life, they will find themselves interviewing or being the interviewer.

There is the possibility, you may not hire the applicant for that particular job, but you will remember them for future jobs because you were impressed by the follow up thank you note. When a job comes up, that is a good fit, you will look for that application and call them back in for a second interview.

1. Outrageous Comments. There may have been a shift in political views!
2. A change in personal style. College students discover a new way to dress. Your preppy high school student may discover the comfort of wearing pajamas to class.
3. After these weeks of independence, you may discover “curfew resistance”. Your student has become the decision maker on when it is time to come home.
4. Overall independence. The college student has discovered a whole new world of independence. They eat, sleep and study on their schedule.
5. There are new friends. Now, there is a whole group of new friends to get to know. Take every opportunity to get to know the friends your student is hanging with.

So what are my recommendations?

• Observe.
• Resist Comments.
• Enjoy observing this new growth.
• Take every opportunity to talk with them.
• Accept that Childhood has ended.

I invite parents to share what they experience when their college student comes home for “Fall Break”.

I discovered a great site for high school parents and also parents with kids already in college that are looking for resources:

UniversityParent

This site has guides for over 50 universities that you can download for FREE. Each guide is packed with information particular to the university that you are interested in. You learn about your child’s college and the surrounding community.

Sarah Schupp, the founder, was a Business Week finalist for the most promising U.S. entrepreneurs 25 and under.

Even though the extreme sport of heliparenting has a certain attraction,
by the time your young adult is a college student, your job has shifted from
being the supervisor to the spectator.

I have put together five responses you need to practice and use when your student calls with a room mate issue, their class schedule is not to their liking or they want to live in a different dorm… During the college experience, your student is learning so much more than academics. Allow them to learn these life lessons and then they feel the confidence that they can handle things.
1. Jeez. That is a bummer, so what are you going to do about that?

2. Why is that important to you?

3. So, what are your options?

4. You are doing a good job, figuring this all out… I’m proud of you.

5. Let me know how it goes. I am interested in knowing how you handle this.

The 6th response? Just be quiet and listen. Sometimes, they just need complain.

Now, share with other parents some responses that you have found to work for you in the comment section below.

This is a cute video made by students for students…  So heads up to all parents.  Now is the time you need to be teaching your student fiscal responsibility.  Teach this early on in the college experience, it will save you pain and worry in the future.
How-To-Get-Money-Out-Of-Your-Parents

So, what do you do?

1. Pay for the housing, text books and lab fees separate from allowance.

2. Make sure your student has a meal card to meet the basic hunger needs.

3. Peanut Butter and crackers did not harm our generation and will not harm this one.

So, how do you handle this kind of request?

“I planned to buy you the new Apple i-phone for Christmas, but if you’d rather me give you extra allowance, I can do that instead?  I want you to know that I am serious.”

We have heard the horror stories of parents that are over vigilant. These are parents that are driving the Black Hawk Helicopters. They are invasive, micro managers that have the attitude of entitlement because they are paying the tuition.

Colleges steer clear of this kind of parent which can hurt the student. The student benefits from a support system. Many students are coming from unstable homes. There is also a record number of students with mental health issues. Often students are feeling overwhelmed with needs that surpass what the college can provide.
I urge you to be involved but not overly involved. As a parent, maintain your connection so you will be aware of their progress and struggles. You will be there to offer them guidance and to suggest resources as needed. You become your child’s mentor.

Parents may need to intervene in a true crisis but know when to step aside and allow your student to work through their issues. This is part of the college experience and there is a safety net of sorts still in place. Now is when the learning needs to happen.
Parenting is a true art. And like all art, it is appreciated over time…