Are You Too Involved In Your College Student's Life?

Mobile phone, instant messaging, email, FedEx...with all the technology that parents and students have available today, it is easier than ever for parents to be in touch with their college student, but sometimes that may not be the best for your student.

Parents are talking to their kids two, three, four, five times a day. What most parents that do this don't realize is that a big part of college is the student learning to deal with life issues on their own.

Stay Involved But...

I am the first one to say to parents that you need to remain involved. But, there reaches a point that the young adult needs to start taking responsibility and advocating for themselves, making their own decisions. This is all part of growing up.

And, if you have been a good parent, now is the time to step back and let the young adult step forward and practice what you have been teaching them all along.

Exercising Their Problem Solving Muscle...

College students are going to run into problems whether it is in their dorm...they might not like the roommate they have, or they might not like the dorm supervisor or their advisor.

If the first thing they to do is call mom or dad... wanting mom or dad to call the school and take care of this... you may want to think twice.

As a parent, I strongly urge you to listen. Be there as a listener to the dilemma that the young adult is having, but then, ask them what they plan on doing about this. Discuss what their options are and encourage them to take care of the problem. Don't deny them this experience. Let them feel good about handling the issue.

Only get involved if it is dangerous or something that truly involves a parent.

Avoiding Helicopter Parenting...

Some other suggestions for being a resource not a pest...

1. Establish a time during the week where you might talk to your student so you avoid those "blah, blah, blah" phone calls during the week. You agree to talk once a week, you can get caught up for 15, 20, 30 minutes, what have you, but you are not there constantly hovering over the child. Let them know that if they need to talk, you are available. But if it is not an emergency, you can talk at your pre-appointed time.
   
   
2. Encourage your student to seek the resources that are available to them. Send your student to their advisors for the academic advice that they need.
   
   
3. Encourage your student to become involved. There are ongoing student activities. You pay a student activity fee. Or, they can volunteer for charitable groups. Healthy activities help to combat some of the loneliness so many feel when they first go to college.

For more insights into developing your student's problem solving muscle, order Dr. Debi Yohn's book "Parenting College Students: 27 Winning Strategies for Success." It can help you and your college student have the best chance a successful college experience. You can also speak to Dr. Yohn privately and confidentially through her coaching program...click here for more information.